A seat for a Fame Whore

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Dear George Langiri,

Congratulation you little prick. You’ve got the attention you wanted.  Your attention seeking skills have sunk to a new low … you’re FAMOUS!

Let me first of all re-cap what George has done. George shat this piece for actors.co.ke and since he wanted to grab our attention, he did it the ONLY way he thinks will work, BY ‘KILLING’ someone.

The headline ‘KENYAN ACTRESS NICE GITHINJI DIES IN A CAR CRASH’ a headline that grabbed me and my heart skipped a beat. But Nice is NOT dead, it’s just George trying to get attention to his batshit writing.

He also took time to share his wet dreams about Nice Githinji!!! WTF?!

Enough of this garbage, his issue is that we’re not exploding in excitement or creaming our pants every time we see actors walking around in town, because  of this he is the reason can’t sleep at night! YOU NEED TO KNOW people! How shit is your life that you are SAD when people don’t stop you and take photos with you just cause you’re a KYM on a third rate tv show???

George, you need to slip into something comfortable, like a strait jacket cause your crazy cannot be allowed to roam the earth like this, why the fuck would you think TRIBE has anything to do with people not recognizing you??? Next time, you want to share your brain fart, please walk to Turkana and release it there.

You want us to recognize you? At least work on some kick ass show or at least, at least have an ounce of talent in that barrel of fat.

George

You’re famous? Oh btw, it seems you somehow subtly suggested you don’t get laid na wewe ni celeb, I have an answer for you, get a SALAD.

Edit — Article edited for grammar issues

Reporting on dick measuring competitions …

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We’re MONTHS away from an election, but already the dick measuring competitions are in FULL swing! Every week, we’re getting at least ONE poll released on the popularity or lack of it of the ‘Leaders’ who want to be Kenya’s 4th president next year. Everyone is doing mine is bigger in central or Nyanza competition, dicks.

The pollsters are as varied as second hand bras … some of them are soo ‘Unknown’ you hear their name and the first thing you think of is a chama somewhere in Busia.

The one thing NO ONE can answer is, who the fuck is paying for this? Research is generally an expensive, laborious process, but the way the polls are being released, you can tell it was run through excel. That’s why NMG has sent an internal memo (Not the one about telling Linda Ohipu to dress like she’s on tv) telling all its editors to TAKE all polls released with a pinch of osuga because they risk bastardising themselves by being sucked in to the political games. They’ve been advised, to totally ignore them and IF THEY must use the poll ‘data’ it should only appear in the middle section of the paper or in editorial as a reference but not the subject but never as a lead story or in the front page.

That’s a good move by NMG, if only they could pass on the ban to the shit ass headlines they have every day on politicians, the world would have less shit to worry about

Will other media houses follow this route? FUCK NO! Tuanze the Star or as Up Magazine calls them, the Rats, now that a man who’s made money from sugar is their ‘shareman’ all they do is tear down his opponents and praise his cronies and word is that, they’ve hired a team of lawyers to keep those that sue them busy in court until next year when their preferred candidate occupies the house on the hill, haha they should ask KTN how THAT same strategy came back to BIT them in the ass in 2008.

The People *sigh* the only paper that I truly believe is from recycled paper, if you sniff the paper long enough, you can smell the Dandora dumpsite. Their content is worse, you can tell the person who wrote it was high on whiskey after fine dining their owner’s ass.

Imagecredits

A mix of thangs

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It’s still a zoo up in that shed, so I’ll just skip to the bits that matter to you.

So Prezzo got a bit brave after a few sips of alcohol and decided to remind Barz, a South African model that she can’t be married at 30 (Even with her stunner looks) since he’s a MAN … he also KNOWS what other men want and it’s not Barbz, Prezzo also advised Barbz to find a man to impregnate her before she’s too old to bear kids.

Prezzo, the metric for stupidity also told Barbz she’s washed up … that’s like vomit telling spit ‘I’m better than you’ I hope this little fucker gets evicted soon and he can come back and sell miti dawa.

ION, Moha from KTN’s Jicho Pevu is having the spotlight all to himself for all the wrong reasons, yesterday he made the joke below and it wasn’t taken so well.

He subtly reminded me us all he is better than us in Swahili and we are wrong, his joke was not offensive.

That was last night, today, news outlets are abuzz with news that Moha was charged (Almost a year after the incident was reported) with handling stolen property. Specifically, a Nokia something something [The one below]

Obviously, the other media houses are going to milk this (There is a joke there somewhere) dry with very little data and input from the ‘Thug’ (I will call him a thug without evidence of guilt, he does it too)

I’m not an expert in legal matters, but something is not clean in the milk. Why take so long to charge him?

 

It’s complicated

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From the title, you can tell this is going to be complicated, one of toughest thing I’ve been asked to work on

Remember Princess Rose Nasimiyu?

The young girl is such a star; she became an overnight star after she was featured on Jeff Koinange’s Capital talk. She is a cancer survivor and she has soo much optimism, she makes us that complain about flus looks like douche bags.

Now, a lot was done for Rose’s wellbeing, a pay bill number was set-up, her track was flying off the systems, a lot of money was raised for the strong little angel.

Then I saw this

But with all things good, there is always one idiot out to spoil it, on this one; her own mother was the idiot. As soon as the money started following, she became a bit ambitious with everything, her weaves, her clothing and of course her drinking, she was even throwing RAOS!!

As this was going on, none of the lovely folks in the media cared to alert Kenyans, HEY, she’s living large with your donations, she then decided to move to the UK ‘cause treatment there was cheaper, but shit has hit the fan for her in the UK, the white man she was ‘living in’ kicked her, Rose and her step brother out of his house. They’re now in a refuge, Rose is still doing her chemo sessions .

Now, the mother is a poster child for GREED … does she even want her kid to even get better? Frankly I don’t think so, how will she GET MONEY? You know this lady is also a bit thick, you move in with a white man, agree to raise his child (She didn’t bear the young boy, the young boy’s mother passed away when he was born) he then kicks you OUT and leaves you with an extra kid???

She’s also using Rose’s Facebook page to gain sympathy! SOMEONE TIE HER TUBES! This is nonsense, driving all those ‘Stans’ on Facebook to believe that Rose was updating that stuff. HOW DOES SHE SLEEP at night? Phoebe, if you’re reading this, you’ve failed as a mother! You made choices to BENEFIT YOURSELF and you’re making your sweet little girl suffer in a foreign country ‘cause of your nonsense.

Meanwhile in Kenya, Rose’s biological dad wants a piece of the ‘action’

A TRIPPLE threat … for your eyes and ears …

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‘Yesu Tumwimbie kila time, every time’ (x6) …

That’s the line that’s been on my head all NIGHT! As you can tell, unless you’re the devil, this line is from a gospel track, but wait until you see the gospel track it’s FROM!

Sample number 1:

My goodness, if this is Gospel music, then I’m the POPE (Minus the touching boys thing) NOW! Have you seen their name, they’re called TRIPPLE THREE TRIPLETS, you know, just in-case you didn’t get the fact they’re TRIPLETS or just maybe, just maybe, Triplets can be FOUR! They’re from GITHULAI and hio ‘Tarrent’ yao was discovered in high school, and like someone noted, they must have gone to a deaf/dumb school.

I can imagine them, going to a school funkie, drenched in ‘Miss’ and with Hibiscus flowers in their hair, saying they’re representing ‘Sir God’ NO!

Then I watched this interview

Tripple Three Triplets

DAFUQ?! This is beyond stupid; one of the triplets has BLING ON HER TEETH!! The last time I saw a bish with ‘stones’ on her teeth was on the corridors of Havana and trust me; she was ready to get fucked in every hole for a beer.

The triplets have nicknames ‘Selsha, Sheiz and Shazi’ I really can’t understand HOW THEIR FRIENDS ALLOW THEM TO ROAM THE STREETS LIKE THIS?! I’m told they’re always together (gangbang) and from the looks of things, they dress the same; the same cheap flammable attire, speak like Mickey Mouse on drugs from the weaves, (Yellow) flowers on their cheap weaves (Only Kambua is allowed to have flowers on her head), the EYEBROWS!!

These girls might be ‘cute’ but they represent everything that is wrong with the gospel industry, it’s a fame whore’s paradise … easiest ticket in this town to make money, throw in a few bible verses in a track, dance like you’re having a fit, dress like a whore and when questioned, you say ‘The Lord only cares what is in the heart’ fuck off!

Words MediaMK 

Photo MediaMK